Scrolling through your Facebook news-feed is a bit like watching your favourite soap, why? Because of the unique style of Northern Irish Facebookers.
There’s the regular characters, the ones you love and the ones you want to throttle (yet for some reason you still watch them anyway).
In Northern Ireland we have our own selection of odd characters and if you don’t recognise any of them, chances are it’s you.
1. The Ma
“Awk our wee Kerry-Anne’s started using the potty on her own. Proud Mummy <3”
We know you love your kids. It’s lovely, really. But we don’t need to hear about their toilet habits.
The Facebook Ma is also usually the culprit of those “Share If You Love Your Son/Daughter” and “Type Amen In The Comments”posts.
2. The Party Animal Facebookers
“Yeooo! Who’s swallling?”
This guy is always game for a party and he pure loves it. Expect a few consecutive statuses from him looking to get on it between the hours of 2am and 5am.
3. The Weatherman
“The sun’s splitting the trees! Off ta Helen’s Bay.”/ “That rain is mad like.”
You can always count on The Weatherman to give you a regular update on the elements.
How on earth did we know if it was raining pre-Facebook? Oh yes, windows.
4. The Gurn
“Fed up with being taken for granted! From nai on I’m nat putting anyone else first! Friends List clear out…”
The Gurn Facebookers always seem to have one drama or another. For these sorts, Facebook is a platform for offloading all of their negativity and it usually has a knock-on effect…one melty post after another. Staappp.
5. The Hard Man
“See if you’re slabbering, mon say it til my face! *insert various expletives here*”
The guy/girl Facebookers with a chip on their shoulder can’t contain themselves when it comes to social media. They’re always game for an argument and thrive off drama.
Luckily, it’s mostly just keyboard bravado. #windyourneckin
6. The Over-Sharer
“Just back from the doctors, thought it was constipation but could be an infection. Raging.”
Why though? Unnecessary statuses like this are a waste of the internet.
We’re really okay with not knowing about your bodily movements/favourite cereal/other pointless information. Keep the word vomit to yourself people, for the love of God.
7. The Gym Bunny
*Checks in at PureGym*…
“#gymselfie #nopainnogain #gymming #protein #summerbod #4weeks”
8. The Do-Gooder Facebookers
“Like this photo if you’re anti-government! Boycott Stormont! Who wants to protest with me against something?!”
Awk, they mean well. I’m all for revolution and stuff, but there’s always one who spends more time posting statuses about saving the world than actually doing it.
9. The Ex-Girl
1.30pm: “Single and loving it! Don’t need no wee lad melting my head! #overit #lovinglife”
1.45pm: *posts cryptic status about being lonely and heartbroken.*
…you know who you are.
By Abby Williams, Excalibur Press